I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
