found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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