Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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