My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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