That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just forgot I was standing up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
