Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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