jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
