It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
