last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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