oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I party with great urgency now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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