All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
