you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
