I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
