I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
