Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
