Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
