Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
