And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
