I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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