piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize