Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
