im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize