How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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