Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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