I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Of course I have a pirate flag
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
