i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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