He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
