Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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