Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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