So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.