my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
