What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.