Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..