Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.