why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.