My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.