Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
