im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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