I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
