Just fell off a train. Bad.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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