He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
