i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
