I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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