It's like God shit irony all over that family
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
