hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
