I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
