so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The struggles of a small town man whore
So vagazzling was a success
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
