Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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