I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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