just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
