He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my moral compass just broke
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