He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
