the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
