Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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