last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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