people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
