How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
