I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
