i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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