Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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