Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize