should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
