She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
